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Meet the charming and conquering aliens!
Profiles of Terror  |
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Memo to all earthlings...
Greetings! This is an important announcement to all earthlings. In just a few short days, the Alien Terror will arrive on your puny planet and become your conquering masters. They expect you to greet them warmly and to throw a fabulous parade in their honor. We realize that this is short notice, but we have heard that you earthlings are always ready to party! When the Alien Terror arrive, be prepared to grovel before their magnificence. Thank you for your support and obedience. Introducing the Terror... Name: Gah-Ahr Height: 8'1" Weight: 135 lbs. Occupation: Starting center for the Alien Terror basketball team Hobbies: Dieting and fasting Earthly Goals: To meet and worship the goddess Calista Flockhart. Also, to talk supermodel Kate Moss into entering a fat farm. Name: Wishy-Washy Height: 5'7" Weight: 101 lbs. Occupation: Backup center for the Alien Terror basketball team Hobbies: Cleaning windows and doing laundry Earthly Goals: To meet the famous Mr. Clean and to force Martha Stewart to decorate my home. Name: Lar-Doh Height: 5'5" Weight: 427 lbs. Occupation: Starting power forward for the Alien Terror basketball team Hobbies: Fast saucers and fast food Spaced-out Fact: Lar-Doh visited earth many years ago and ate a man just because he liked the smell of bacon on his breath. Also, he coughed-up a hairball that turned out to be Lassie. Name: Rong-Rung Height: 5'4" Weight: 145 lbs. Occupation: Backup power forward for the Alien Terror basketball team Hobbies: Break-dancing on a bed of nails Earthly Goals: To knock over old ladies in Central Park and to beat the crap out of Michael Jackson for all his crotch grabbing and moonwalking. Name: Fizz-El Height: 4'10" Weight: 85 lbs. Occupation: Starting small forward for the Alien Terror basketball team and conqueror of worlds Hobbies: Conquering planets and enslaving the population Earthly Goals: To destroy all miniature golf courses in Toledo, Ohio. Also, to make slaves of all earthlings and force them to clean my feet with their slimy tongues. Name: Map-Blip Height: 4'9" Weight: 65 lbs. Occupation: Backup small forward for the Alien Terror basketball team Hobbies: Playing hide-and-seek with military aircraft Spaced-out Fact: On a previous visit to earth, Map-Blip had a romantic encounter with Amelia Earhart before she disappeared. Name: Bug-Ize Height: 3'10" Weight: 64 lbs. Occupation: Starting point guard for the Alien Terror basketball team Hobbies: Being a peeping tom Earthly Goals: To get a date with Pamela Anderson. Also, to force Carmen Electra to give him baths and clean his toilets. Name: Zip-Zip Height: 4'1" Weight: 73 lbs. Occupation: Backup point guard for the Alien Terror basketball team Hobbies: Walking aimlessly on the streets during rush hour Spaced-out Fact: Zip-Zip actually made a mime scream out in the airless vacuum of space! Name: Saw-Sir Height: 4'6" Weight: 61 lbs. Occupation: Starting shooting guard for the Alien Terror basketball team Hobbies: Spinning tops and bottles Spaced-out Fact: On a previous visit to earth, a drunk Saw-Sir spun around so fast he brought on a deadly tornado in South Carolina. Name: Uh-Oh Height: 4'4" Weight: 58 lbs. Occupation: Backup shooting guard for the Alien Terror basketball team Hobbies: Constantly fearing for his life Spaced-out Facts: On a previous visit to earth, Uh-Oh abducted and probed a fat kid named Cartman. Also, he has lost and grown back over 400 heads! Profiles of Terror • Terror Article I Terror Article II • Terror Article III • Terror Article IV Terror Article V • Terror Article VI • Terror Article VII |
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